January 23, 2005
Rev. Dr. Frank Carpenter,
D.Min.
St. John's Unitarian Universalist Church, Cincinnati, OH
In this still moment, may we let go of our fears and plans, just being here in sacred time. Relieved of great weight, let us be glad in our connections with one another, overcoming our separation, listening to one another.
We are grateful for the sharings of our friends this hour, offering us the laughter and sadness of their lives, their family’s losses and triumphs.
As we listen we recall our own challenges and successes. Let us offer up at this time our own experience, strength and hope to those who it may serve.
Let us recall those who
have paid attention to us, and how we were transformed by their love. May we
overcome our fear of relationships so that we may live more fully with those
who are different from us and those who we fear may be the same. May neither
anger nor impatience blind us to the mystery of ourselves and each other.
In this hour, let us overcome our separation from the love which binds us together
and know the truth of our identity with all creation..
/silence/
Peace be with you. Amen.
When I am developing a sermon, one of the questions I ask myself is, which principle is this sermon about? Last week, I talked about Dr. King’s ‘network of mutuality' as a sermon about our Seventh Principle, the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part
As I prepared this sermon, I asked myself the question, which principle is this about, and I found that I could not settle on just one. If you look at the Unitarian Universalist principles in the front of the hymnal, to some extent I am talking about “justice, equity and compassion in human relations.’ “The use of democratic process” is important in our conversations with one another. And certainly, I could lift up the third principal which speaks of “Acceptance of one another.” How hard that is, full “acceptance of one another!”
Most of all, this morning, I am speaking to our First Principle, “The inherent worth and dignity of every person,” The Principles of Unitarian Universalism are a statement of human rights, and it is not surprising that it should begin with the basic affirmation of human rights: the inherent dignity of each human being.
As we talk with one another, we are called to respect, to honor the inherent worth and dignity of each other. What else can it mean when we speak of “Acceptance of one another?”
Our story of the children this morning about the beautiful tiger is about this. The man disrespects the tiger’s worth. He seeks to bend the tiger to his own use. He lies to it and tells the great cat it is not beautiful. He holds up a faulty mirror to the animal and says it is weak and powerful.
The story is a variation of the Hans Christian Anderson story about the Ugly Duckling. The ducklings see the young chick is not like them. It is, therefore, ugly. It is when another swan comes along and identifies with the now grown chick, that the ugly duckling recognizes its own true identity, beauty and power.
In our story this morning, it is not another tiger which identifies with and respects the tiger, but a lion. A good Unitarian Universalist story because it suggests that we do not have to be the same as another in order to respect them, identify with them.
Our own experience tells us, just as these stories suggest, that respect for others, acceptance of others is not automatic. If fact, the more alike we are, the more difficult it can be to respect another person. How about driving to church? What about all those other people on the road? Were they kind, thoughtful, courteous people who were on the road with you? Were you kind, thoughtful, courteous? Most of the time as I drive here from Northside, I get upset with at least a few drivers. In my own mind – if not their’s – they do not respect me. They tailgate, try to push me to go faster. I’m sure I bug some of them. Respecting others is not always easy, not automatic. We wouldn’t be talking about it if were.
Why is it not always so easy to respect others? I think it has something to do with what we mean by dignity. What is the inherent worth and dignity of others all about?
An essay of Kentucky poet and gentleman farmer Wendell Berry I came across helps me to think about this. In “Is Life a Miracle?” Berry writes,
.... I am granting to life, and to each living thing, its own inherent dignity and mystery.
In the context of the issue, dignity and mystery function virtually as synonymous. For without its mystery a creature can have no dignity. The presumption of complete understanding is always an affront to dignity. So is the presumption that complete understanding will eventually be realized, or that it is not realizable yet. Every creature has an inherent right not to be completely understood. That is the basis of its freedom. [CITIZENSHIP PAPERS, page 183.]
Each creature, each human being, each one of us is finally a mystery, to one another and perhaps also to ourselves. In this rests our dignity, the call to respect and accept one another. And, Berry emphasizes, it is the assumption that we fully know the other person that undermines our respect, and indeed causes most of our difficulties in dealing with others. Nothing like presuming to know what another person will say before they say it to get us off on the wrong track.
Dignity as the mystery of each person is found within the law. The United Sates Supreme Court has long recognized a right of privacy. The court's decision in Roe v Wade held that the right of privacy embraced in the due process clause of the 14th Amendment includes “a woman's decision whether or not to terminate the pregnancy.” Privacy is well grounded in the Constitution; the Supreme Court considers it basic in cases protecting the privacy of personal papers, the right of an individual to choose whom to marry, how to raise their children and whether to use contraception. Privacy is the legal doctrine of the mystery of each person, a recognition of the dignity of the individual.
The importance of accepting one another and respecting the inherent worth and dignity of each other is important here at St. John’s. In our Mission statement, which we read earlier, we affirmed that we want St. John’s to be a safe and caring community. That sense of safety and caring begins with respecting one another.
But as respect is not automatic, we need to practice it. That is one of the ways I understand our Chalice Groups. I have, as has the Chalice Group Coordinating Committee, worked on this for some time, and we’ve been greatly heartened by the exited acceptance of the program. In our Chalice Groups we get to know each other at a deeper level than sitting here in worship or sharing a cup of coffee during social hour.
There was an article on Chalice Groups in the most recent edition of our denominational magazine, the UU WORLD. Meadville/Lombard Professor Thandeka, writes about “Healing community: small Group Ministry.” She identifies deep listening to one another as the source of the transforming power of small groups. In Chalice Groups we drop off a lot of the agendas and baggage we carry around day to day and we can listen clearly to one another.
In her article she quotes form Stephan Rechtschaffen, co-founder of Omega Institute, on the power of paying attention to one another;
Being open to and accepting of our emotions allows us to sit quietly in the present. And then we experience something quite remarkable that is key to living at ease with time: In the present moment there is no stress.
Stress comes from resisting what is actually happening in them moment – and what’s usually happing is an emotion , or feeling. Our continued effort to change what is so in this moment is, in fact, the very cause of the stress we wish to avoid. (UU WORLD, [Jan-Feb 2005] Page 30)
Stress, Recshstahffen tells, us comes from resisting what is actually happening in the moment. What are we doing when we are resisting; what is happening in our minds?
Well, imagine yourself at a committee meeting. Perhaps you are all geared up and ready to present the plan you have been working on to the committee. Every moment they spend talking about other agenda items seems to be just a waste of time. You are resisting what is happening and stressing yourself out.
Or, imagine that you are tired, want to go home, you just cannot wait for it to get over with. A lot of silly talk you think. Yes, maybe, and you are resisting what is going on in the moment, creating stress for yourself.
What about waiting for a chance to say something? Instead of listening to what the other person is saying, you've come up with just the right response to them so interrupt them; after all you understand what they are saying. You understand them completely. Why wait? And as you develop your own thoughts, you don’t hear what the other person is saying. Stressed out. When I find myself anticipating what another person will say, I need to remind myself that in claiming to understand them, I am denying their mystery, disrespecting their dignity.
We all do it. There is nothing new about this. And I think it is a spiritual problem for us to practice on. In the Gospel of Matthew (7: 1) Jesus says “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2 For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?
Rechtschaffen calls it resisting what is happening in the moment. Jesus calls it judging. Whatever you call it, when we are talking with others it is assuming we know what the other person is all about, when we have denied our own mystery, as well as the other person’s. We carry our assumptions and they get in the way of us being with others. Anger, impatience, all ways of resisting being in the moment.
Finding motes in the eyes of others and forgetting the plank in our own eye can cause major changes in our lives.
One such moment for myself was in my attempts to enter our Unitarian Universalist ministry. Perhaps the most significant hurdle, or at least the most anxiety producing one, is meeting with what we call the Ministerial Fellowship Committee. This group evaluates each candidate for the Unitarian Universalist ministry, inquiring into the abilities and how they might improve themselves.
Since I entered our ministry, they have developed regional committees to facilitate the process for both students and the denomination. George Dershimer serves on the regional committee for our area. You can also talk with other students entering our ministry about the anxiety that arises in anticipation of meeting with this group.
The meeting begins with preaching a sermon. The committee then asks any questions they want, based on anything such as knowledge of Unitarian Universalist history or the various psychological tests that are required before meeting with the committee.
There is a sense of your whole life being on the line. It is difficult not to carry some baggage into the room. I myself have a streak of anti-authoritarianism and have never fully satisfied myself that they have a right to pass judgment on me, but who do we allow to do that?
Needless to say, the first time I met with this committee was quite memorable, at least for me. The meeting was at the seminary, Meadville/Lombard and they met with a number of us. A good friend of mine went in just before I did. I was very surprised and pained that they rejected him.
I changed my sermon. I asked who they thought they were turning this person down.
They invited me to come back at a later date. The next time I preached for them on the Beatles song, “Mother Mary comes to me, saying ‘Let it be let it be.’”
We carry stuff around with us that gets in the way of our relations to others, feelings, plans and anticipations. There may be, someone somewhere, some justification for all the baggage we carry. But when that baggage gets in the way of us being in the moment, when it leads us to judge others rather than accepting others, when we are resisting what is happening in the moment, we cause problems for ourselves and others. If I could have accepted my pain over my friend, I might not have had to dump it on the committee. Perhaps I should have said that I needed some time to get over my feelings about what had happened.
In any case, I know myself how fear, anger, various agendas we have get in the way of us recognizing the persons in front of us. In various groups, such as our Chalice Groups, we can have those special moments of not resisting what is happening in the present, go with the flow.
Accepting the mystery of each other, honoring the dignity of all, we fully experience the transforming power of love.